Wednesday, December 21, 2016

You Mean They Went Ahead and Did it Anyway?

Yep, they sure did. Continue with making the Star Wars Holiday Special, that is.

I'm picking up where I left off a couple of days ago with posts about our Star Wars Holiday Special Solstice Party. This little-known train wreck is an example of bad writing at its best (worst?), but they soldiered on, because they wanted to make sure the public didn't forget Star Wars, especially as so many knockoffs were spinning out.

"But why?" I wanted to ask of Mr. Grinch. "Why in the name of the Force did you have to make it that bad?"

Everything was awful about it--writing, directing, story (was there a story?)--just everything.
So, the story is that Han and Chewie are beating a path back to Chewie's home planet of Gesundheit, or something like that (Kashyyyk, actually, but I think Gesundheit fits it better), for the Life Day celebration, which was sort of a Wookie Christmas celebration, best as I could figure. Most of the beginning of the Holiday Special takes place in the Chewie household where we meet his wife Mala, father Itchy (what?), and son Lumpy (ya gotta be kiddin' me). And, sadly, the dialogue is all Wookie-ese, and we don't have any human characters to intervene. Nope. So, for a good half hour to forty-five minutes (seemed longer), we were graced with nothing but Wookie grunts, groans, roars, and grumbles.
And it just goes downhill from there. Harvey Korman is a television personality on Wookie TV, Art Carney is a door-to-door trader of household items, Bea Arthur runs the cantina, and then it gets really weird. There's a 15-minute Star Wars cartoon as part of this mess, Chewie's old man watches a virtual reality Diahann Carroll sing and cavort in what appears to be an early version of the one nine-hundred phone sex deals which is right on the edge, and there's a holographic performance by Jefferson Starship.

Well, we made it through watching the whole thing. And if Nietzche was right when he said, "That which does not kill us makes us stronger", then our group is damn near indestructible now, though we probably sacrificed a batch of brain cells in the process.

If you're so inclined to watch it, you can catch it on YouTube.

Tomorrow I'll wrap up with a Kolchak Christmas.

Here's a link to my previous post on the Star Wars Holiday Special Solstice Party:

Keep writing, friends.

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