Monday, July 18, 2016

Mail Call!

I love getting mail. Well, most of the time. I always loved getting catalogs in the mail, or a letter. But I don't care much for junk mail. Today, though, I decided I'd have some fun with my microscopic vision and take a deeper look at two pieces of junk we got.

First, though, a couple of quick asides. I remember two efficient methods for getting rid of junk mail, or creditors, etc. One is from a favorite movie of mine, Harvey, with Jimmy Stewart. There's a scene where he's looking through a stack of his daily mail and he simply tears everything in half and tosses it away. Simple and effective. Another method is one I developed many years ago. I had an old 57 Chevy pickup truck, and I'd stack all mail and other assorted papers on the seat beside me. Then, whenever I happened to brake too hard, anything heavy, such as a book I was reading, would stay firmly planted in the seat--anything lighter, such as bills, junk mail, or whatnot would fall to the floor. That would be tossed out.

Now, back to today's mail. Anytime you get a postcard in the mail, and it has the words "You're Invited" in a fancy font at the top, you can pretty well figure it needs to go in the round file. Here's the rest of the 'invitation': "To celebrate our anniversary Southwest Travel is pleased to invite you to an exciting VIP seminar. At this fun-filled 90 minute seminar you will receive two (2) round trip, coach class airline vouchers to most major airports in the continental United States."

Oh, boy, I can hardly wait!

Now, first off, they have some punctuation issues I won't even get into here. Besides that, however, which definition of VIP do they mean? Yes, it's assumed it means "Very Important Person", but there's also "Volunteers in Parks", "Vasoactive Intestinal Peptide", "Very Important Pet", and "Variable Insurance Products", to list just a handful of the 150-plus possible meanings.

Also, I've been to many seminars, and, whereas I've found some interesting, I've never been to one that's exciting, let alone both exciting and fun-filled.

Finally, we get airline vouchers. Not tickets, but vouchers. And another quick dictionary check says that a voucher is "...a small printed piece of paper that entitles the holder to a discount or that may be exchanged for goods or services." Maybe I can get a free cup of coffee at Starbucks with it.

 Since they're being so generous with me, I'm considering inviting them to a VIP Recycling Party. They can bring all their fancy little vouchers and we'll have a grand old time. I might even give them a free cup of coffee.

Keep writing, friends.

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