Friday, September 18, 2015

Welcome to the Inner Sanctum

For all new initiates into the secretive world of the writer, prepare to be properly amazed.

Cue sound of heavy wooden door as it slowly creaks open, Doc Frankenstein-style.

We now see the writer at work, one of the most cloistered beings on the planet. If we're quiet, perhaps he won't hear us and will work uninterrupted. This is so exciting. I will present this as bulleted notes, for which I will prepare the scientific paper at a later time.

  • The writer shuffles about his basement, known as the writer's lair.
  • Turns on TV, spends significant amount of time finding an appropriate channel. This seems unusual behavior, as the writer will be unable to watch TV while he's working.
  • Next, he finds a stack of papers on the floor, picks them up, groups them with another stack of papers. He fiddles with them a bit, places this larger stack back on the floor.
  • Stands in the middle of the room for some time, dazed expression. We can only assume this is the result of his massive brain plotting out a bestselling novel.
  • He goes to the computer, and...oh, this is terrific...we're going to see him engaged in actual work, or research. We'll be able to discover which sites he visits for his information.
  • The writer plays something called Angry Birds, attempting to best other players.
  • Next, after completing play, he heads upstairs...comes back some time later with a sandwich and something to drink, sits back down at his computer.
  • What's he doing now? Research? Yes, it must be. He's researching for a novel, something to do with the weather...he's going to one of several weather sites. This is it, folks! He's writing a novel on hurricanes, as he's checking for the presence of any hurricanes around the world. Yes! He's opened up a blank document, he's cracking his knuckles, and...a cat just jumped on his lap.
  • He's petting the cat with one hand, attempting to type with the other, and he's typing a title now. Let's see, it says..."Hurricanado". What is that? A new word in the dictionary?
  • Now he's setting the cat down on the floor, he's getting up and using some small hand weights, obviously to maximize blood flow to the brain.
  • Okay, now he's going back to the stack of papers from earlier, he picks them up, finds other papers, and adds them to that stack.
  • Wait a minute! He's going back to the computer, executing another search. Something about space, I think. Here we go! He's preparing to do research on a science fiction novel, I'll bet. He's looking up..."Which is more powerful? The Starship Enterprise or the Death Star?"
  • And now, he's getting up, going over to the couch, and getting ready to take a nap.
 Well, that's all the time we have for now. I just know that when we return tomorrow, all this preparation the writer has done will prove fruitful and he will begin work on the Great American Novel.

Stay tuned tomorrow, folks, when we'll have another exciting episode of Candid Writers.

Keep writing, friends.

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