Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Sincerely, Darth

Dear Earth people,

Thank you for providing the list of your banned books. I have been reading many of them, seeking out ways to get closer to the Dark Side, as I aspire to one day be as powerful as the Emperor. Sadly, however, I have been disappointed. So far, I have not found them helpful on how to get really, really dark. Here is all I’ve learned so far:
  • "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz"—plucky little girl goes on adventures and learns the value of her home, but also the power of friends.
  • "The Great Gatsby"—money can’t buy you love. But, you had a musical group called The Beatles that said the same thing. Are they, too, banned?
  • "1984"—don’t believe everything you read in the paper.
  • "Animal Farm"—power corrupts.
  • "The Lord of the Rings"—all about honor, bravery, and loyalty

These are all I’ve read so far. Please send a better list. Somehow, after reading some of these, I’m strangely drawn back to the Good Side. The Emperor won’t like that.

Live long and prosper, uh…no, that’s not what I mean…uh, you can’t resist the power of the something something, uh…oh, never mind.

Have a good day,

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